So I have not been doing very well
at all for the last week, since my last email in fact. Not well at all. =( It
had been difficult to find joy and I have consistently been thwarted in my
attempts to remain at peace. I lack motivation to do much of anything right
now, which is a state of mind I very strongly dislike!
But I have at least succeeded in
distracting myself by watching quite a few episodes of the show
"Deadwood," which is fun to watch because everything in the show
actually took place in history just a few miles away in the black hills!
I am headed to Rapid City to visit
some thrift stores, cabelas, the AAA office to get maps, and to get groceries.
Tomorrow I am trying to go hiking with a few others, but if it doesn't work I
will embark on some expedition on my own.
Phantom roommate actually left this
morning and drunken roommate is leaving tomorrow night, which means that as of
Thursday I am alone in the house. That is certainly going to be different!
Today as I was driving out of the
park, I was not doing well, but as I drove through the beauty around me and
observed the wonders of God's creation whilst listening to the words of the
song "love" by "Above the Golden State" (Thanks Callie!) my
heart was filled with a deep sense of peace and knowledge that God is bringing
me to a place where he wants me. So I do have hope. It just has to break through
a lot of other stuff right now! I have discovered that I have been hoping for
the love and validation of a girl more than I have the same from God, and that
has created all sorts of problems. I know better than that. And yet I was doing
so and not even being cognizant of it. :( Sometimes I feel like quite the fool.
But perhaps that is the beginning of
greater wisdom. And I could hardly be in a better place to encounter the
cleansing power of Christ in the wilderness! I am keenly reminded of the words
of John Muir that the more we cut down our forests to build churches the
cathedrals, the further we are from God.
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